


That Hole in My Heart is Only For You

by Kaylele



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Heartache, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moving On, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:15:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29170185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaylele/pseuds/Kaylele
Summary: No matter how old Akaashi gets, he's never going to forget the first person he ever loved
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the angst train

The first time Akaashi met Bokuto was when he was 13. His mother had signed him up for a volleyball club that met every Saturday afternoon. There were a lot of people in that club but Bokuto stood out the most among everyone. He was loud and boisterous and highly energetic.. but he was also sweet and soft spoken when he wanted to be, especially around Akaashi. The two of them became friends almost instantly and from then on, it was incredibly hard to separate them. Bokuto always wanted to practice with Akaashi, be on Akaashi's team, stand next to Akaashi in line, hang out with Akaashi after practice, before practice, during practice and everywhere in between.. and Akaashi, despite not wanting to admit it, wanted the same. There were a few people on the team who gave them small smirks or knowing glances every time they were around each other but for the most part the two of them just ignored it and went about their day.

The first time Akaashi went over to Bokuto's house was strange. It was about four months after they had first met. Akaashi's mom couldn't pick him up from practice on time so Bokuto invited him over for a few hours. As soon as they walked in the door, Bokuto introduced him to his mother who was sitting in the living room, knitting a blanket. She looked him up and down, giving him a smile, "It's nice to meet you dear," 

Her smile was fake, Akaashi could tell immediately but he wouldn't say anything about it. Not now and not ever. The two boys sat in the dining room, talking about this and that (but mostly volleyball) until Akaashi's mom finally came to pick him up. 

Volleyball practice didn't start until three and Akaashi's parents had picked up different shifts at work, meaning that they would drop him off at Bokuto's around 10 am and pick him up after practice had ended. It was a nice arrangement and the two of them enjoyed spending that extra time together. Bokuto's mom never minded it either… except that she did… and Akaashi could tell. It's not that she cared about Bokuto having friends over or driving the two to practice every Saturday. If Akaashi's parents asked, she would always insist that it was ok. "It's more than welcome, he's such a sweetheart when he's here," She would always say but Akaashi knew better. He knew that deep down, something about him being here bugged her, though he would never say anything. 

Whenever Bokuto's other friends would come over, her demeanor would change. Her smiles would be genuine, her tone would be warm but most of all she would always look happy… she never looked happy when it was just Akaashi… For a while it got to him. He would lay awake at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering what he had done wrong, if anything. He didn't want Bokuto's mother to dislike him but it seemed like no matter what he did, that would always be the outcome. No matter how much effort he put in, he would always get the same result. 

The first time he kissed Bokuto was when he was 14. It was a tiny peck on the lips. A 'thank you' for something he had done… but it changed everything. Now Bokuto knew he had feelings for him and Akaashi knew that he felt the same. Bokuto would steal kisses from him any time that he could. From the brief moments when they were alone before practice to the longer stretches of time when they were alone in Bokuto's room together. Each kiss felt warm and inviting… like a piece of home, if home were to actually feel like home. 

The first time they got caught kissing was by Bokuto's dad. There wasn't much in terms of punishment. He simply told them that they couldn't do that anymore and that they needed to keep Bokuto's door open whenever Akaashi was there. However his warning didn't stop them from kissing. It only made them better at listening for footsteps. 

"Why is un-req-uited love so sad?" Bokuto had asked him one day while the two were sitting on the couch, watching a studio ghibli film. 

"You mean un-re-quite-ed?" Akaashi raised an eyebrow, giving him a small smile. 

Bokuto had been homeschooled for quite a while, meaning that a lot of the more complicated words he learned often were mispronounced and Akaashi or someone else would have to correct him. 

"Yeah, that" Bokuto looked up at him, "Why can't all unrequited love stories end happy like this one," 

"Bokuto-San.. You do know that this isn't an unrequited love story, right?" Akaashi asked. 

"It's not…? But she's in love with him, isn't she? And they don't end up together at the end… so isn't that unrequited..?" 

"Well… yes, I suppose.. but it's not a romantic love. Chihiro and Haku both love each other but that doesn't mean that they want to date each other," Akaashi explained, "It's kind of like… if you were just really good friends with someone.. and you cared about them so much that you started to love them, but you would never date them." 

"So… kind of like us?" Bokuto asked, tilting his head. 

Akaashi bit his lip, ignoring the sudden aching in his heart. He looked away, only to lock eyes with Bokuto's mother who had quietly made her way into the room. He was unsure of how long she had been there and how much she had actually heard, "...Yes… I guess it is kind of like us," he agreed, pushing away his own feelings, at least for that moment. 

That night when Akaashi went home he silently cried into his pillow. His head felt foggy and his stomach was slowly twisting itself into knots. He had no idea if Bokuto actually liked him or not. Was he just saying that they were friends because his mom had walked in? Or does he actually just want to be friends and nothing else? If he just wanted to be friends then why does he kiss him so much? Surely he knows that friends don't kiss each other like that. Unless he's just using Akaashi. Would Bokuto use him like that? Maybe he should just ask? Yeah… that sounded like a good idea, Akaashi thought to himself. He would ask… and whatever the answer was he would accept that. 

It wasn't until two months later that Akaashi finally had the courage to ask. They were both in Bokuto's room playing cards and talking about the volleyball camp trip that was quickly approaching. Bokuto laid down his last card, beaming at Akaashi with a wide smile. "Ha! I win again! You know what that means?" He grinned. 

Akaashi sighed softly, leaning forward and pecking him on the lips before collecting all the cards and shuffling them again. He didn't have to even look up to know that Bokuto was pouting in front of him. 

"Kaashi! That one was tiny," He whined, looking at him with sad puppy dog eyes. 

Akaashi glanced up at him for a moment and then looked away again, "Bokuto-San.. what are we?" He asked calmly, though on the inside he was already panicking. 

"We're friends obviously," Bokuto smiled softly, resting his hand on top of Akaashi's. "You're my best friend," 

"Just friends?" He asked before he could stop himself. 

"Yeah… what do you mean?" 

"Bokuto I-" Akaashi took a deep breath and stared at the cards in his hands, silently hoping that they would have an answer so that he didn't have to ask outright, "...would you ever date me?" He finally whispered. 

Bokuto went silent and Akaashi held his breath, biting the inside of his cheek so that he could remain calm. 

"Akaashi… I can't date guys…" 

"Do you not like guys?" Akaashi asked softly, looking up at him again. 

"No I do- Believe me I do, I just… I'm not allowed to…" Bokuto mumbled, scratching the back of his head. "My mom said I can't until I'm at least 18…" 

"What about when you turn 18 then?" Akaashi questioned, looking at him with curious eyes, "Or just hypothetically if you could right now… would you?" 

"....." 

"Bokuto-San, if you don't want to you just have to say so-" 

"We should play war next," Bokuto interrupted, grabbing the cards from Akaashi and dealing them out, "You remember how to play, right?" 

"I… yes.. yeah, I do" Akaashi mumbled, hearing footsteps coming down the hallway again.


	2. Chapter 2

Bokuto-San um… can I talk to you for a moment?" Yukie asked, "Just for a moment… I promise it won't take long," 

It was the third day of the training camp and Akaashi was already getting irritable. Practicing for hours every day wore him out and the non-stop socializing made it feel like he never had a break. Not to mention it felt like Bokuto had been avoiding him this entire time. He knew he wasn't intending to, but with so much to do and everyone constantly dragging him away for something, it felt that way. For the first time in three days he had finally managed to pull him away from everyone else to tell him something important and now they were getting interrupted again. He couldn't help but send a small glare to the girl who immediately sent one back at him. Bokuto glanced up at Yukie before turning back to Akaashi and giving him a sympathetic smile, "It'll be quick.. I'll be right back," he hummed softly, going to talk with Yukie. The two of them disappeared around the corner, leaving Akaashi alone again. A small sigh left his lips as he leaned against the wall, quickly realizing that he could still hear them from where he was. 

"So um.. A-Are you and Akaashi-San dating each other?" 

"What? Of course not.. were just friends," 

"Oh.. that's a relief actually.. for a second I thought you two were," 

"Would it be a problem if we were…?" 

"Well… actually yeah, it would be," 

Akaashi scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. If he didn't hate Yukie already, he definitely hated her now. There was nothing wrong with him and Bokuto dating.. that is if Bokuto actually wanted to date him. 

"Why would that be a problem?" 

"Well… b-because I really like you.. I know we haven't really known each other for that long but.. will you go out with me?" 

Bokuto laughed softly and Akaashi froze. He didn't want to hear what Bokuto's answer was but he couldn't move. It felt like his feet were cemented in place, forcing him to sit there and listen. 

"Yukie I'm flattered, I really am," Bokuto spoke softly, "you're very sweet and attractive and I would love to-" 

Akaashi quickly covered his ears so he wouldn't have to listen anymore. His eyes felt like they were burning from the tears threatening to spill out of them. He quickly turned on his heel and ran back to the room his team was staying in, closing the door behind him. He grabbed his blanket and curled up on his futon, silently crying to himself. 

"I would love to still be friends with you, but as far as dating goes I don't think it would be such a good idea.. I hope you understand," Bokuto told her. 

Yukie nodded, her face changing from hopeful, to sad, to irritated, "I think I do… this is about Akaashi-San, isn't it?" 

"What? What makes you think-" 

"Don't lie to me.. I see the way he looks at you when you pass by," 

"Yukie, I don't even know what you're talking about," Bokuto looked at her confused, "Akaashi's just my friend. That's all," 

"Whatever…" Yukie huffed, walking away. 

Bokuto stood there for a moment, confused as to what just happened. He shook his head, going back to where Akaashi was but realizing he was gone. 

"Oi! Bokuto-San! Come practice with us!" Hinata called, sending Bokuto a wide smile. 

Bokuto hesitated for a moment, feeling guilty for leaving Akaashi like that. He walked over to Hinata and Yamaguchi, giving them a small smile, "Have either one of you seen Akaashi?" 

"Hmm.. I think I saw him like an hour ago at the food court.." Hinata hummed, trying to think, "He's probably off practicing with someone though. You should stay here and practice with us!" 

"Actually.. I think I need to go find Akaashi.. maybe later on though," Bokuto smiled at them before heading off to go search for him. 

About an hour had passed and Bokuto had checked practically the entire camp but there was no sign of Akaashi anywhere. He sighed softly and decided to simply wait it out until dinner time when they all would be stuck in the dining hall together. Maybe then he could see him and ask him what he wanted to talk about. For now he decided to head back to their room so that he could grab his jacket before it got too chilly outside. 

Akaashi groaned softly, pulling the blankets over his head when he heard someone walk in. He had completely cried himself out and was now laying there, half asleep, not wanting to move, much less acknowledge the person who had barged in. 

"Kaashi?" Bokuto said softly as he looked over at the other boy's futon that was clearly occupied, "..Kaashi? Are you awake?" 

For a moment Akaashi debated on if he should pretend to be asleep, just so that Bokuto would leave him alone but eventually he decided against it. He sighed softly and sat up, rubbing his eyes, "What Bokuto-San…" 

"Are you ok? I've been looking for you everywhere" Bokuto asked softly, going to sit down next to him, "You look like you've been crying.." 

"I… I'm ok.." Akaashi lied, looking away, "I just don't feel good… wait.. why were you looking for me?" 

"You said you wanted to talk about something," 

"Oh…" Akaashi hugged his knees to his chest, resting his head on them, "it wasn't that important.. I can't really remember what it was anyway," 

"Oh…" Bokuto fell silent for a moment before shaking his head and scoffing softly, "I can't believe Yukie said something like that," he muttered to himself. 

"What?" Akaashi looked over at him curiously, unsure of what he had actually said. 

"Yukie tried to imply that I rejected her because of you.. that's ridiculous though," Bokuto grumbled, "I rejected her because I've only known her for what? Three days? I mean who even asks someone out after three days? That's crazy right?" 

"Wait… you rejected her?" Akaashi asked, suddenly feeling less awful. 

"Obviously… I barely know her! I mean she's nice and all but that's just… it's weird, isn't it..?" 

Akaashi nodded, letting out a small sigh of relief, "It is pretty weird actually… especially since her team is from like four or five cities over.. she probably lives pretty far from this area anyway and if you were to date her it would be pretty difficult to stay in touch," 

"Really!? Geez, why did she even ask me in the first place?" Bokuto groaned, covering his face with his hands. 

Akaashi patted his back gently, "At least training camp will be over in a couple days and you won't have to see her anymore," 

"That's true…" Bokuto sighed, looking over at him. A small smile formed on his lips as he scooted closer, "You know we're alone right now," he hummed softly. 

"You said not at camp," 

"Just one? Please?" Bokuto pouted softly, "it feels like it's been forever," 

"You're being dramatic," 

"I feel like I'm dying.. I'm slowly getting weaker by the second.." 

"This was your rule that you made up. Are you not even going to follow it?" 

"I'm willing to break the rules if it means I get to live," Bokuto cried dramatically. 

Akaashi sighed softly and leaned over, kissing him on the cheek, "you never follow your rules, you know that," he hummed, looking at him fondly. 

"But they're so difficult to follow.." Bokuto pouted, resting his head on his shoulder. 

"Then why do you make them?" 

"Because I have to," 

"Says who?" Akaashi asked, raising an eyebrow. 

".....You know your cologne smells really good. Where did you buy it?" Bokuto asked, changing the subject so that he wouldn't have to answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto is the king of dodging questions and breaking hearts 🖤💀


	3. Chapter 3

"What are you thinking about?" Bokuto asked softly, looking up at the night sky. It was late and the two of them were laying in the grass in Bokuto's backyard, stargazing. 

"Nothing really.." Akaashi hummed softly, glancing over at him. 

"That's a lie," 

"Wha- no it's not," 

"Yes it is," Bokuto hummed sitting up some, "You have to be thinking about something.. you always get that look on your face when you're thinking about something," 

Akaashi blushed softly, looking away, "...it's nothing important… the stars are just pretty is all," he half lied. 

"Mmhm… that's not what you were thinking about though, is it?" 

"It doesn't matter what I'm thinking,"

"Yes it does.. your thoughts always matter.. especially to me," Bokuto said softly. 

"...What are you thinking?" He asked, trying to turn it around on him. 

"I asked you first," 

"I'll tell you what I'm thinking of if you tell me what you're thinking first," 

Bokuto leaned closer to him, cupping his face gently, "I think I want to kiss you," 

"Then do it," Akaashi whispered, leaning in until their faces were almost touching. His lips ghosted over Bokuto's teasingly. 

"Koutarou I-" Bokuto's mother had come outside to check on them but stopped mid-sentence, staring at the two in shock. The two quickly pulled away from each other and froze, staring back at her with wide eyes. 

"Oh… Koutarou honey, can we have a conversation inside?" She asked in that sickeningly sweet voice that Akaashi had grown to hate. 

"Um- I- y-yeah.." Bokuto stuttered, standing up and following his mother inside the house. 

Akaashi sighed softly and hugged his knees to his chest, looking back up at the sky. About ten minutes passed by before Bokuto came back outside and sat next to him again. 

"What happened?" He asked softly, looking over at him. 

"Hm? Oh uh… nothing," Bokuto mumbled, leaning back on his hands and looking at the stars. 

Akaashi knew he was lying but he didn't want to risk pushing it and making him upset so instead he decided to change the subject, "Do you think there's anything out there in the universe… you know, besides us." 

"Sometimes I hope so…" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first few weeks since then were rough. Bokuto talked to him less, gave him less hugs, and refused to kiss him at all. He wasn't upset, he knew Bokuto was just trying to be careful so they didn't get caught again but something deep down still hurt a little bit. He had read an article online that said you could become addicted to people and go through symptoms of withdrawals if you're separated. For a moment he wondered if he had accidentally become addicted to Bokuto. Thankfully, it wasn't long until they went back to their usual routine. Much to Bokuto's mother's dismay. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Koutarou honey? I have a surprise for you!" Bokuto's mother called from across the house. 

The two boys were sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch when his mother walked in and set a flyer down on the table in front of them. Bokuto set down his fork and picked it up, looking over it and then back up at his mom, "What is this?" 

"It's a flyer for a dance, obviously" She answered. 

"...But I don't go to this school," 

"Oh that doesn't matter sweetie," She hummed, "You know your math tutor, Mrs Saki has a daughter your age who goes to that school. She said she wants to invite you," 

"Wha- but I barely know her," Bokuto frowned, "and besides, I don't even know how to dance." 

"I'm sure she could teach you.. you know how happy it would make her if you went? And who knows, maybe you could get to know each other better and go on a few dates. You two would make a lovely coupl-" 

"Mom!" Bokuto's eyes widened, "I'm not going to date Mrs. Saki's daughter!" 

"Oh… hm.." Bokuto's mom frowned slightly, thinking about it for a moment, "Well if you insist.. but frankly I don't know who else you would date," she hummed, giving Akaashi a look before walking back to the other side of the house. 

Akaashi frowned, looking down at his plate. He pushed it away, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore. Bokuto sighed softly and stood up, grabbing both of their plates and taking them to the sink. He walked back over to Akaashi and grabbed his hand, "let's go outside," he hummed, giving him a small smile. Akaashi nodded and stood up, following him out to the backyard. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Happy birthday Bokuto-San," Akaashi hummed softly, handing him the small package. 

It was the day after Bokuto's birthday and the two of them were sitting on Bokuto's bed, completely ignoring the movie that they had put on in the background. 

"Kaashi, you know you didn't have to get me anything," Bokuto smiled softly. 

"What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?" 

"You know you'd be my best friend no matter what.. even if you completely forgot my birthday," 

"I'd be a crappy best friend then," Akaashi smirked softly, watching as Bokuto opened up the package. 

He knew a crocheted, stuffed owl was kind of a cheesy gift but he couldn't think of anything more fitting to get him. It was his favorite animal and the mascot for the volleyball club they were both a part of. 

"Is this… this is so cute," Bokuto smiled, holding the small owl close to him, "Where did you get it?" 

"I uh… I kind of made it," Akaashi blushed softly, looking away. 

"Wait… are you serious?" Bokuto asked, looking up at him with starry eyes, "you made me something..?" 

"Bokuto-San.. you look like you're about to cry," 

"I'm not gonna cry," Bokuto mumbled, rubbing his eyes, "it's just really sweet.. I love it," 

"I'm glad," Akaashi smiled softly, giving him a hug, "Happy birthday," 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About a week had passed since then when Akaashi accidentally overheard a conversation that Bokuto's sister was having. He had gone inside to get a glass of water when he heard her talking with someone over the phone. 

"I can't believe Kou is still sleeping with stuffed animals" 

...... 

"Yeah, I thought he got rid of them all a long time ago but apparently he has a little stuffed owl thing that he's been cuddling with" 

.........

"I mean it's kind of cute but he's way too old for it, don't you think?" 

.......

"I dunno… all I know is that mom doesn't really like it.." 

.........

"Yeah, she thinks he got it from Akaashi-San." 

........

"Pft.. best friend is an understatement. There's something else going on between them. Everybody already knows it." 

..........

"No, I'm not going to say anything about it to mom. She already acts really weird about it," 

Akaashi bit his lip, listening for a few more moments until he heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen. He quickly downed his water and put the cup in the sink before going back outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst is coming soon 👀👀👀 yes, this is all mostly buildup for something worse. No I will not apologize


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full contact Buhurt is officially the most terrifying sport I've ever witnessed in person and I am now concerned for my friend's safety because he participates in it regularly. This man is going to end up getting killed I stg

"Bokuto-San…. What are we?" Akaashi asked nervously, biting his lip. 

It was Akaashi's 15th birthday and the two of them were sitting on his bed making out while some old cartoon was playing in the background. Akaashi had promised himself he wouldn't bring up the subject again after the first time but after a year and a half of secret kisses and seemingly one sided feeling he decided that he had a right to know. He loved Bokuto more than anything but it was slowly killing him on the inside to think that he might not feel the same way.. or worse, that Bokuto was just using him for his own enjoyment. He didn't want much… just some kind of validation. Even a "yes, I like you too but we can never be together" would be better than nothing at this point. 

"You've asked me that before," Bokuto pointed out. 

"Yes… but you never answered me," 

"....You're so pretty, you know that?" He hummed softly, cupping Akaashi's face gently and leaning in. 

Akaashi put his hand on Bokuto's chest, pushing him back a little bit, "Bokuto-San, I need an answer," 

"Why do we need labels for what we are, hm? I think this, right here, is more than I could ever want," 

"So you want me?" Akaashi asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"I didn't say that… but I do want you to be my friend.. my best friend," 

Akaashi sighed, pulling away from him and crossing his arms over his chest, "Do you want to date me or not?" 

"You know I cant-" 

"I didn't ask if you could, I asked if you wanted to!" He snapped. 

"It doesn't matter if I want to! The point is I can't" Bokuto snapped back, getting irritated. 

"It does matter if you want to!" 

"No it doesn't! Why would something like that matter?" 

"Because it tells me that you actually give a shit about me and you're not just using me for this!" 

"Do you really think I would…" Bokuto trailed off, huffing in annoyance, "Are you just mad because I won't date you?"

"I'm not mad because you won't date me. I'm mad because you won't be honest with me about how you feel. You know damn well friends don't kiss each other every chance they get so there has to be some reason why you keep doing it," 

"Does it really matter why? I don't understand why you care about it so much"

"Why do I care? Hmm.. maybe it's because I love you and it feels like you're taking advantage of me, you stupid idiot!" Akaashi yelled at him, surprising them both. 

Bokuto looked up at him with wide eyes for a few moments before getting up and walking towards the door. "I have to go.. I'll text you later." 

Akaashi sat there for a moment still in shock, staring at the spot that Bokuto was sitting in. A large drop of water hit the palm of his hand and then another. It took him a few seconds to realize they were his own tears. 

Later that night, after he had fully cried himself to sleep, Bokuto texted him, apologizing for the way he stormed off but unfortunately he still didn't give any indication on how he felt. A small sigh left his lips the next morning when he had read it. 

A few days had passed and Akaashi had ignored most of Bokuto's texts, choosing instead to focus on his studies. That is until Saturday rolled around and he had to see Bokuto at the volleyball club again. As soon as he walked into the building, Bokuto pulled him outside to talk to him. 

"Are you ok? You've been ignoring all of my messages," 

Akaashi took a deep breath and shook his head, "Bokuto-San I… I don't think I can do this anymore…" he whispered shakily. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean.. I love you ok? I love you a lot and I really like what we have right now.. but if you're not going to be honest with me about how you feel then I don't think I can do this anymore," 

Bokuto froze, staring at him with a concerned look on his face, "I… what do you mean you can't do it anymore?" 

"I mean.. I can't be your friend anymore…" Akaashi bit his lip, trying not to cry, "We don't act like friends to begin with… a-and you won't be honest with me.. I just can't do it.." 

"Akaashi… w-wait please-" 

"Wait for what? You to tell me your feelings? ….I've already tried that. Clearly you won't do that," 

"But Akaashi I-" 

"You what?"

"......I don't want you to go…." 

"Are you going to tell me how you feel?" Akaashi asked softly, silently hoping that Bokuto would. After a long period of silence he finally sighed and shook his head, "I have to go Bokuto-San… goodbye," 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Kou? Honey are you ok?" Bokuto's mom asked, looking at him with concern when he got into the car. A choked sob left his throat as he buried his face in his hands, mumbling something through his tears. 

"What was that?" 

"A-Akaa-sh-shi.. broke up with m-me…" he cried.

"Oh honey.." Bokuto's mother cooed softly, smoothing down his hair, "You know you have to be dating someone for them to break up with you, right? Unless you mean that he just doesn't want to be friends anymore? ….You know maybe it's for the best? There's tons of nice people out there who you can be friends with instead,"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a mini montage time skip. Things get very complicated from here though

For Akaashi, being away from Bokuto was liberating in one way and horribly painful in another. There was no more hiding when it came to the new relationship he had gotten into. He could hold his boyfriend's hand and kiss him in public and when he was introduced to his parents he called him his boyfriend. There were no more secrets or pain, just love and affection… that is until the red flags started popping up. He would get mad over tiny things and make fun of people for things that they couldn't control. On more than one occasion he got angry with Akaashi and yelled at him, threatening to hit him. It wasn't long after that that he broke up with him. 

His next few relationships were worse. All of them started off sweet but ended horribly sour. The men he was with would always end up lying, cheating or taking advantage of him. One of them stole money from Akaashi on a weekly basis and "jokingly" called him bad names while the other simply didn't like taking "no" for an answer, especially when it came to sex. By the time Akaashi had turned 20, he had been in at least four different relationships, all with less than favorable guys. 

When Akaashi wasn't in a relationship he found himself thinking about Bokuto. Maybe if he hadn't left he'd still be with him. If he held out for longer would Bokuto have admitted his feelings? What if he was just being selfish and impatient? Should he have given Bokuto more time? More space? How much time would have been enough? 

Every once in a while, Akaashi would be scrolling on social media and Bokuto would pop up. It wasn't a surprise when it happened (they did share a fair amount of aquaintances after all) but each time it hurt. Bokuto always looked so happy and free. It just seemed like another reminder that he didn't want him after all. Bokuto had a new boyfriend now… one that he actually called his boyfriend. One that was known to all his friends and family as his boyfriend. 

It stung… Akaashi wasn't going to lie about that… but at the same time he was happy for Bokuto. He was happy that Bokuto finally found someone who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with… even if it wasn't with him. 

Then it happened. The day that Akaashi got unreasonably drunk and caved. He was at his new boyfriend's going away party. They had only been dating a week but it already felt like part of him was being ripped away. Akaashi assured him that they would stay in touch but with 50,000 miles of distance between them and no context for when he would be coming back, Akaashi was completely unsure of how well this would go. The party dragged on for what felt like days but was probably only a few hours. At one point his boyfriend has left to go to the airport, leaving everyone else behind. Meanwhile, his boyfriend's best friend was feeding Akaashi shot after shot until he couldn't tell which way was left and right. 

Eventually he had stumbled into the bathroom, away from the loud mess of noise and chaos and sat down on the floor with his phone, scrolling through his Instagram. He wanted to go home… wanted to sleep… wanted to cry over his boyfriend being gone... but he couldn't. He was too drunk to drive home and the freezing cold temperatures outside meant it was too dangerous to walk. So instead he just sat there looking at old pictures and reminiscing about the past. 

At one point he had stumbled across Bokuto's page and was looking through all his old photos. All the pictures of him and his new boyfriend made him want to cry. He missed his boyfriend already. They looked so happy together… so happy without him. The more he scrolled, the more he realized that Bokuto simply didn't delete any of his previous posts. Old photos of their matches together began popping up and then old photos of Akaashi. The two of them together on a park bench eating ice cream and that one day that Akaashi's parents had invited him to go to the beach with them. It was all still there… completely untouched by time. 

After a while of looking, Akaashi sighed softly and scrolled all the way back up. Without thinking, he clicked on the message button and sent him a quick "hi" before going back to scrolling through his feed. Not long after his heavy eyelids got the better of him and he fell asleep right there on the bathroom floor. 

The next morning he had forgotten about it and went about his day as usual. That is until the evening rolled around and he received a message from Bokuto-San. The message was short but sweet and completely reminiscent of Bokuto. 

"Hey hey Akaashi! How's it going? I've missed you a lot these past few years. Maybe we could go get some coffee sometime and catch up? It would be fun!"

Akaashi stared at the message for far too long, rereading it over and over again. Bokuto actually wanted to see him again… it would be different this time. That much was obvious. Especially since they were both in relationships… but Bokuto actually wanted to see him again. Maybe this time they could be actual friends and not the strange secret they were last time… maybe this time it would be nice… at least that's what Akaashi hoped.


End file.
